Black in the City

BEAT IT

2009-07-15T00:13:00.003-06:00

Today’s blog is about the people that you date that just won’t go away. They come in all shapes and sizes. There’s the guy you had that great convo with one night, then went back to his place and spent the night cuddling and sharing all the wonderful things that you had in common. Of the chick you spent the whole summer chasing, or that guy you had the amazing one night stand with. Why is it that when the wooing and cooing ends that they can’t just BEAT IT. Make like a tree and leave. People have a tendency to assume that it’s the girl who’s usually the “stage 5 clinger” but I strongly beg to differ.

Take my girl Kata. Last February she dated this dude for about 4 months; we’ll call him loser head. No, that’s too long we’ll call him Calvin. She and Calvin met through a mutual friend. Unfortunately he lived in a different city so their relationship was long distance. One day trouble arose in paradise as trouble will often do and their relationship came to an end. Things ended amicably and they agreed to be friends. Kata being the “fun fearless female!” that she is was quickly over it. She and Calvin kept in touch and went on with their lives. Calvin continued to send her messages, checking in on her, and making sure that he was okay. For the record, Calvin’s behaviour and lack of maturity was the reason they broke up, hence the name loser head. While all of this was going on, a group of us we’re planning to go on a large very expensive camping trip. Calvin had originally been part of the group but decided not to come once things ended with Kata. However, since they we’re on good terms he thought, sure, I’ll come why the hell not! We’re friends right. Right. Turns our Calvin only wanted to come on the trip so he could try to get back with Kata. When she politely squashed that idea he changed his mind and was officially kicked out of the tent. Needless to say, this didn’t go over well with the group, or Kata.

Later in the summer Calvin thought he’d be Mr Slick and send Kata a message, “Just thought I’d randomly say I’m in C-town this weekend with a few friends in case you wanted to me.” Of course she ignored the message as Calvin had recently updated his status from loser head to asshole. Ffwd to the winter of 2009. Kata, being the wonderful Samaritan that she is decided to raise money for charity for the 2nd year in a row. The year before she had created a facebook group to generate buzz about her fundraising endeavour, unfortunately, Kata forgot that this facebook group included Calvin. When she sent a message to the group asking for funds she received a reply from Calvin saying “I would consider, but seeing as we’re not even facebook friends anymore. I’m not sure”

SIDEBAR -> Again I stand strong in my convictions that you should not add people you are dating to facebook.

Like the ghosts of messages past, Kata ignored the message and went on with her day. FIVE MOTHERFUCKIN DAYS AGO Kata get’s this message from Calvin, “Just driving through the mountains and thought of you, hope you’re well”. What is this guy’s deal!? Why can’t he drop it? It’s not like she’s responding to any of his message. For all he knows he could be texting a complete stranger. Seriously, I don’t get it. It’s been a full year since she told him to pound sand and yet he continues to contact her. Kata is one of the nicest people I know so she hasn’t yet told him to fuck off. If it we’re me I’d say something to the likes of: Please stop messaging. Don’t email me, don’t text me, don’t message me on facebook. It’s been a year, you are driving me nuts. PFO (please fuck off) well I might leave out the PFO but I’d sure as hell be thinking it. Man alive.

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of messaging someone that I dated after things ended. It’s usually because they fell off the face of the earth and I’m drunk and bored, but never after a year and never when we ended on bad terms. The worst part is that Kata doesn’t have Calvin’s number in her phone. The first time he messaged her she wasn’t even sure who it was. That my friends is an easily preventable mistake. I make a point to hold onto the numbers of ANY guy that could be a potential stalker. So if they decide to message me I’ll know to ignore them. It’s saved me a lot of awkward conversations.

An in effort to better educate myself I asked a few guys about the whole long term stalking thing. His theory is that typically, girls play hard to get. A girl might act like she’s not interested because she’s trying to be coy or try not to look like she’s easy. Therefore when a chick acts uninterested a guy shouldn’t give up, he should try again... Not a bad theory! So... basically it’s OUR fault that these guys harass us. Haha I love it. My advice? Keep any potential stalkers in your phone until you are POSITIVE that they aren’t going to bother you. If they message you, ignore them. If they message you again, take a little advice from Michael and politely tell them to Beat It.

Happy Humping!

RIP Michael Jackson

No Babies

2009-07-01T03:23:00.005-06:00

Its baaack!

Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen to Black in the City. After a 2 month hiatus, Black in the City is back to keep you entertained and educated on matters concerning, sex, dating and relationships. Let us begin...

Today’s blog is about Birth Control and the many ways that you can practice it. I was sitting in the Dr’s office cruising through the Metro when I stumbled upon their sex column. Oooh Metro Sex column, I thought to myself, should be pretty lame... The article was about birth control. Specifically, the “withdrawal” method. Also known as the pullout method. The article discussed research that had been done on the effectiveness of the withdrawal method. Apparently, oral contraceptives are about 98% effective and the withdrawal method is 88%. The research had statistics to back all of it up.

Now, if you’re thinking what I’m thinking, your eyebrow is probably raised and you’re quietly mumbling what the fuck... to yourself. Since when is the PULLOUT METHOD an effective form of birth control?! Last time I checked, only silly folk used this method because they didn’t like using condoms. In fact I distinctly remember sitting in Health Class in the 8th grade learning about the birds and the bee’s . Mr. G was explaining the different forms of Birth Control and how the pullout method was sooo stupid and only lazy, crazy people did it. Fast forward to 2 years ago, my friend Hana and I are chatting about one of her girlfriends and how she and her boyfriend only used the pullout method. We proceeded to make fun of her and comment on how dumb she was and how only morons did that kind of stuff. Now 20 something years later, after being bombarded with the idea that the pullout method is a dangerous way to keep yourself baby free I’m suddenly supposed to change my opinions and embrace the idea that the withdrawal method is a “safe and effective” form of birth control? I don’t think so.

If you ask me, there’s no reason NOT to be on or using some form of birth control. It’s not like it’s HARD to get. And nowadays there are so many options on the types of birth control that you can use. There’s, oral contraceptives, injections, vaginal inserts, patches, shots , sponges, frig!.... OKAY hold the phone. I just googled methods of Birth Control and was brought to Planned Parenthood’s website. They ALSO have the withdrawal method on their list of birth control. Check this shit out:

Withdrawal (Pull Out Method)

Withdrawal at a Glance

Withdrawal is also called coitus interrupts or the "pull out method"
Something you can do during vaginal intercourse to prevent pregnancy
Safe, easy, and convenient

Am I the only person who feels like they’re in the twilight zone? Either I’m really old or I was misinformed as a young tween. It gets better....

What Is Withdrawal?

A man who performs withdrawal will pull his penis out of the vagina before ejaculation — the moment when semen spurts out of his penis. Withdrawal is also known as coitus interrupts and the pull out method.

Withdrawal may be the world's oldest way to practice birth control. About 35 million couples worldwide rely on withdrawal.

Well that’s it. I’m done. I don’t know what the world is coming to but it’s clearly gone to shit. For those of you who went to CJHS, JL and or were a product of Nova Scotia’s education system in the 90’s, please don’t feel like you’ve lost your mind. I’m just as confused as you. If you’re interested in learning more about different methods of birth control check out Planned Parenthood’s website.

Happy Humping!

Shout out to my girl Hana for today's title. Everytime she took her birthcontrol she would think "No babies"

The fate of Black in the City

2009-05-06T11:24:00.002-06:00

Hello all.

You'll notice that I haven't posted a blog in 2 weeks. I had a few questions/comments/concerns about the content of my blog and have lost the motivation to write. Please leave a comment if you'd like me to continue with the blog.

Thanks!
-Mj

Jungle Fever

2009-04-20T02:04:00.016-06:00

"I've got jungle fever, she's got jungle fever"

"We've got jungle fever, we're in love"

"She's gone black-boy crazy,"

"I've gone white-girl hazy"

"Ain't no thinking maybe, we're in love"

Thanks Stevie

Today's blog is about interracial dating. Ooooooooo, I know, touchy subject. But as someone who is in an interracial relationship I feel like it's important to talk about it.

How many of you remember the movie Jungle Fever? It was about a black architect, Wesley Snipes, his affair with an Italian secretary, some random, and his family's reaction to the affair. Scandaloussss. It was a pretty big deal back in 1991. Now a days interracial dating isn't really a big deal. Or is it?

When you walk down the street and see a black man with a white women or an Asian women with an east Indian man what does it make you think? For most, I imagine it doesn't you think anything but for some it creates a bit of discomfort. Not because they think it's wrong but because it's not the norm. Personally it doesn't make me think anything at all. Well that's not completely true. It does make me wonder what their kids would like; I imagine they'd be cute as hell. It also makes me a little warm inside to know that those two people will be enriching their children's lives with two distinct cultures.

Like most things, our beliefs are created by what we are taught by our parents. What I've noticed over the years and through my experiences is that immigrant families with second or third generation children tend to be more concerned with interracial dating. I think a lot of it has to do with preserving culture. It's almost like a defense mechanism. These parents, especially the moms, are worried about their grandchildren growing up without a sense of where they come from and not having a strong connection to their culture. It's hard enough for families to raise their children away from their native country, let alone their grandchildren. It makes complete sense that parents would want their son or daughter to marry someone from the same country. It will make the task of raising the future child with a strong connection to their culture that much easier. In addition, as minority it makes sense to marry within your own race in an effort to "preserve" your people. Think of it as survival of the fittest.

Okay so that takes care of the minorities, but what about the people in the majority. For simplicities sake I'm going to refer to them as white people because really, were in Calgary, Alberta, Canada, North America and most people are white. Like every other Canadian white people come from different countries; Ireland, Germany, Britain, Sweden, Netherlands etc... I wonder if the preservation of their culture is as important to them as it would be to an Italian, a Ghanaian or a Malaysian? Are their parents and grandparents just as concerned with them dating outside of their race as my west African mother is. I can't comment for these people being non white and all. But I can say that I have a few friends who will only date black guys or will date anyone as long as their not white. On the same note I have friends who have never dated anyone that wasn't white and I don't think they ever will. It's interesting to think about eh? I wonder what makes some people date one way and others date another.

Of course there is the issue of what everyone else is going to think . What your friends, co-workers, neighbours, and people on the street are going to think about your interracial relationship. I've had people that barely know me pass judgement on me for dating white men. I know someone who was kicked out of their house for dating someone that wasn't Greek. And an east Indian woman that is given weird looks because her husband is from a different continent . Is the fear of what other people are going to say or think paralysing us from experience life?

Personally I think everyone should take a crack at dating from someone from a different race, background or culture. It gives you the chance to step into another person's world and experience life from their point of view. It also will teach you a lot about how different cultures treat women and men that they are dating. And let me tell you, its quite different. I've had encounters with Greek, Irish, Iranian, Italian, Chinese, Native Canadian, Ghanaian, Nigerian and Cameroonian men and it is like night and friggin day people. Each man had a different way to "court" woo and romance me. Some of them were really good at it and some of them were really bad at it. I'm extremely grateful for these experiences because it has allowed to me better define the qualities I would like in a partner. A touch of Greek, a dabble of Ghanaian, a pinch of Italian and voila, perfect man! Haha, well it's not that easy but you get my point. I encourage each of you to go out and experience a little jungle fever for yourself. You never know, you just might love it.

Happy Humping!

So and so, this is everyone. Everyone this is so and so

2009-03-31T16:02:00.003-06:00

Before I begin, I hope all of you know a little more about STD ;]

Let us begin. Today's blog is about the first encounter. Not the first encounter between you and your significant other, but the first one between your friends and your significant other. Ya'll know how important this is. This could potential make or break your partners street cred with your friends. I don't know why this is such a ground breaking event, but it is. Really the situation should be a piece of cake. You like your friends and you like your bf/gf so everyone should be in love, right? Riiiight. I don't know what your friends are like but things are not that easy with my friends.

I love my friends. They are fun, smart, energetic, welcoming people. Most of my friends are my buddies from Uni so we're pretty tight. We're also a bit cliquey. Not like mean girls cliquey more like who's that bitch, who is she friends with, and why is she at our party cliquey. ( FTR the chick I'm referring to was a TOTAL bitch and everyone kept asking how she got invited) Here's an example. A friend of ours starting dating this new guy. Before I had the pleasure of meeting him I asked my friends Naomi and Jen what they thought of him. They were quick to share their disappointment in my friends new selection:

Naomi-I don't really like him. I don't know there's just something about him.

Jen-Yea I agree. He's nice and all but he's nothing like her ex, he was way hotter.

Hmm... Okay. So what you're telling me is that you don't like him but don't know why except that he's not as hot as her ex. Okay I can work with that. I spoke to a few others and they were sort of indifferent to new guy. I eventually met said boyfriend and I happened to quite enjoy him ( yes he's not as hot at the ex) but he's cool as fuck. Unfortunately for him, Naomi and Jen continued to not really dig him for at least another 4 months. Granted our other friend never knew what they thought ( and still doesn't and hopefully won't after reading this blog) but it doesn't change the fact that they were adamant about not liking him. Again my friends are some of the NICEST friggin people you will ever meet but when they're stuck on something, they're stuck.

After four months of keeping Leo, aka snuffalophagus, to myself I felt like it was time to share him with my friends. Needless to say I was super nervous. I almost felt like I should warn him before we went. "Hey, we might swing by my friends house tonight, can you make sure your hair is perfect, your shirt is neat oh and don't say anything stupid, try to be social, but don't be too loud" Of course I didn't say anything. I figured I should give my friends the benefit of the doubt, plus I didn't want to freak the poor boy out.

After many conversations, a few rounds of sing star, a couple glasses of wine, a few beers and long game of cranium I got the vote of approval from my friend Sam.

"Hey Mj, I like Leo. You did a good job with him. He's in"

"Thanks Sam. I'm glad you said that. I was little nervous about bringing him around"

Oh, I imagine. We're nice and all but we're a hard group to crack"

See! I told you. Most of you are thinking, shit mj, you're friends are assholes or mj, you're a bitch for making me look like an asshole. Well let me let you all in on a little secret. I can say the things I do because I've done it too! I'd be the first one to size up the new girlfriend or boyfriend of one of my friends. Frig, I've gone as far as to tell friends that they can't get serious with someone until I've met them. That's right. So as much as I might hate on my friends for being judgemental assholes, I love them all the more for it because I too am a judgemental asshole.

I think the best way to approach these types of situations is to assume that your friends are going to judge whomever they meet regardless of how great that person may be and chanes are they probably won't love them right away. At least you can take comfort in the fact that you're friends are doing it because they love you and hopefully you have friends like mine that will grin and bear it when they don't like the person they meet. I'd also recommend copious amounts of alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. Everyone seems great when you're three sheets to the wind :]

Happy Humping!!

Let's Talk about Sex: Safe Sex

2009-03-24T22:28:00.005-06:00

Let’s talk about SEX baby. Let’s talk about YOU and ME. Let’s talk about all the GOOD things and the BAD things that may be….Wait a minute. Bad things? What could be so bad about sex? It’s fun, pleasurable, good for your heart, skin and overall health. So what could be so bad about it?

Today’s blog is about Safe Sex and all the scary things that can happen when you stop practicing it. I figure I’m morally obligated to educate your crazy people about safe sex since I talk about fun sex so much.

I always find my path to my blog topic so interesting. Anything could trigger a topic. A conversation, a personal experience, a movie, a magazine, anything! In this case a marathon showing of The Real World Brooklyn sparked this weeks topic. In one of the episodes, the cast is asked to promote a screening of the movie Pedro. Pedro Zamora was a cast member of The Real World San Francisco back in the 90’s. He was also the first man gay man living with HIV to be on a television show. It was a pretty big deal back in 1994. The episode got me thinking about STD. I started thinking about how I would react if I found out that I had one. But first the facts.

“STD’s are a group of infections that affect the sex organs and genital areas. In the past, these infections were called venereal diseases or “VD” ( which I also thought stood for vaginal discharge. I think I’ve heard some refer to someone else as a VD, haha man that’s mean)

“STD are caused germs. They are spread from person to person through intimate physical contact, usually sexual intercourse ( aka hanky panky, aka the horizontal mumbo, aka the nasty, aka the deed). Anyone who has intimate sexual contact with an infected person may develop STD. It can affect all types of people.”

“Most STD can be cured but some cannot. The best way of preventing STD is to be informed and to take responsibility for you sexual activity by protecting yourself.”

Below is a list of the most common STD :
Chlamydia
Crabs
Genital Herpes
Genital Warts
Gonorrhoea
HIV/AIDS
Human Papillomavirus (HPV)
Syphilis

But in my research I found a few that I didn’t really know were considered STD they include:

Hepatitis B
Mucopurulent Cervictis (MPC)
Non-Gonococcal Urethritis (NGU)
Scabies
Vaginitis
Lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV)
Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID)

That’s 15 different infections/diseases! That’s a lot of shit! Well, it’s actually only 14. MPC is most common in females and NGU is most common in males. Still…that’s a lot.

Now that you know what you’re working with, let’s chat about it.

How much do you know about STD? I know we all learned about them health class in junior high and high school but are you really educated about them? If your doctor were to tell you that you had say Chlamydia would you start cashing in your RRSP because you thought it was the beginning of the end? I think it’s important to ask ourselves these questions because you never know when you could pick one up. In my research I found out that a lot STD don’t have obvious symptoms. So you could have one for 2 months and not know. Scary…Do you know which ones are curable and which ones are not? Well I do! And I’m going to tell you.

>Chlamydia
>Crabs
>Gonorrhoea
>Lymphogranuloma venereum (LGV)
>Syphilis
>Mucopurulent Cervictis (MPC)
>Non-Gonococcal Urethritis (NGU)
>Scabies
And Vaginitis are all curable.

>HIV/AIDS
>Hepatitis B
And Herpes are not curable

Genital Warts is curable but the virus might still be present on your skin.

HPV is not curable but preventable.

I think the most important thing to remember about STD is that anyone can get them. You don’t have to be a raging slut or be sharing needles with people on the corner to get one. I know two people living with an STD. Both have herpes and both contracted it in very different ways. Person # 1 slept with a random dj and got herpes from him. Person #2 slept with her boyfriend, later found that he had herpes and had given it to her. Both contracted the disease but in ways that are not even remotely related. It’s important to open your mind to the possibility that you can get an STD from anyone. And it’s important to know what you’re working with so you can keep yourself and the ones you love safe and healthy.

In addition to educating yourself it's also important to protect yourself. I'll state the obvious and say that it's SUPER important to use condoms. Male and female condoms are both effective. Use condoms, use condoms, use condoms, use condoms oh wait... hold on.. use condoms. If you are unsure if your partner has an STD suggest getting tested together. If they're hesitant or squeamish about it tell them you want to make sure that you don't give them anything and how it would be such a shame if you game them Gonorrhea because you didn't know you had it (which is quite possible since 80% of females and 20% of males don't show symptoms) Even the mere mention of Gonorrhea will get their ass in gear.

Unlike most of my blogs, I have a point to today’s banter. I want EACH of you to take a moment and learn something about an STD. I don’t care if you are single, dating, married, a floozie or a virgin. I’ve linked each STD ( which ftr took a long friggin time) so pick one and learn about it.

We spend hours, reading about celebrities, checking sports stats, checking our facebook and reading blogs but seldom do we take the time to educate ourselves about something that could have a severe impact on our life. So here’s your chance. Click on the links and learn something. Don’t be embarrassed and don’t be ashamed. There is NOTHING wrong with educating yourself. If you’re significant other/family asks what you what you’re doing tell them you’re learning about the penis and vagina’s common cold. That oughta start a great conversation.

Go forth and educate thyself!

Happy Humping!

I found an awesome brochure. Check it out

Female Propaganda

2009-03-11T16:06:00.007-06:00

This blog was supposed to be about guys that cry and whether or not that is really cool or really lame. After much thought I’ve decided not to blog about this topic until further research can be conducted. My current thoughts are boys that cry are wussy babies. I have instead decided to blog about female propaganda. Last night, my roommate and I went to see “He’s Just Not that Into You.” For those of you living under a rock, the movie is based on a self help book. The authors provide relationship advice to women on dating. The movie centers around different types of relationships and the things people do to suggest how much they are and aren’t into you. The movie opens with a scene of a little boy pushing a little girl, the little girl crying to her mom, and her mom suggesting that the only reason the little boy did what he did was because he liked the little girl. Right. As I watched the movie, it made me think about all of the BS that we women are fed, or as I like to call it female propaganda. The one that sticks out the most in my mind are magazines, aka the young girls bible, aka the woman’s demise.

They like to start young with us ladies, you know brainwash us early. Remember reading, Ym, Teenbeat and all that other horseshit? They gave you advice about ways to make your crush notice you and wrote stories about some chick who started her period on some guys lap at a prom party (ps, that’s a true story) then they gave it a rating of how mortified that person should be. Like what the fuck is that? I read A LOT of Ym as tween and I don’t ever remember being encouraged to do something positive in my community or I don’t know get a hobby. But that was only the beginning… The real culprit was yet to come.

I swear, some 28 year old guy wakes up every morning, grabs a coffee, scratches his balls and starts writing an issue of Cosmopolitan Magazine. Similar to Ym, I read a lot of Cosmo between the ages of 17-21. I don’t think I missed an issue. At first it was awesome. The stories were way more scandalous then Ym, they had pictures of half naked men and each issue contained a steamy sex story in the back. Who could go wrong!? Every once in awhile, as a treat to their loyal readers, Cosmo would release a very special issue, the issue you’d been waiting for your entire young adult life….

"101 WAYS TO BLOW YOUR MANDS MIND (it’s almost too steamy to fit in one issue)"

In this special, Cosmo exclusive, readers were presented with unique ways to satisfy their man. The tips were generally broken down into groups. In the Home. In the Bedroom. With his friends etc etc. One of my favourite tips involved a donut. The tip said that if you really wanted to tickle his fancy you should get a glazed donut, and put it on his penis before you give him a blowjob. Apparently the sugar icing running down his penis would really “turn up the heat and get you man GOING!” Are you fucking KIDDING me! A donut? Really? You mean to tell me that I just spent $4.95 for you to tell me to put a donut on my man’s package? Is that really the best you could do? Come one…

I remember the exact moment when I read that tip. I was sitting with my roommates in our apartment having a laugh at the ridiculous shit that cosmo puts in their magazine. We couldn’t believe it. The magazine went on to provide other life changing tips, like putting your legs over his shoulder when doing the deed stating that it would blow his mind, the magazine suggested that “he won’t even believe it when you pull this move on him.” Another tip suggested making his favourite snack for him while he watched Sunday afternoon football with his buddies. Right… At that moment I decided that I would never read another issue of Cosmo and I didn’t. As much as I like reading my horoscope every month, and looking at pictures of shinny accessories, I won’t subscribe to a magazine whose mandate is to teach women how to be more appealing to the opposite sex. I also felt like I was never quite enough when I read Cosmo. Not cool enough, not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not sassy enough, not stylish enough, not blonde enough whatever. Luckily I’m a very confident, take no prisoners, screw you if you don’t like it, kinda gal so I didn’t let that bs get to me. But what about those women that aren’t as tough? It’d be interesting to see what sort of impact was made on a women’s self image and self-esteem after reading Cosmo for a year. It is my personal belief that magazines of this nature do nothing but further the idea that women should go out of their way to please men and should do everything in their nature to improve themselves so they can eventually find the man of their dreams, get married and be a good housewife. There are never any suggestions on creative ways to get involved in your community, or ways to be greener, or tips on ways to save money. Nada, zilch, zero. I give that an Mj thumbs down.

You don’t see Maxim telling their readers how to be better boyfriend or things he can do to make your Friday night girls nights more enjoyable. Haha can you imagine? If you really want to be a good boyfriend, make sure you keep her fridge stocked with fruity juice and her drawers stocked with mini umbrellas and plastic swords. Right.

I’m going to create a magazine. It will be called LaTS. Ladies are The Shit. The magazine will include fashion tips, health tips, (realistic) sex tips, green tips, money tips, good book tips and will feature some kick ass chick that is doing good things in the world who isn’t a celebrity or the wife of some rich dude. The magazine will also include pictures of naked men but that’s a given.

As with most of my blogs, I don’t really have a point except to suggest that Cosmo is the devil! And to suggest that women are constantly surrounded by ridiculous propaganda encouraging us to tolerate stupid shit and do stupid shit to make us fun fearless females! Excuse me while I puke in my mouth J

Disclaimer: For those of you who read and enjoy Cosmo, please know that I do not think less of you, well not completely.

You’re so beautiful and lovely,…Have we met before? Yea actually we have.

2009-02-22T21:31:00.005-07:00

Have you ever been in a situation where someone has hit on you twice? I mean hit on you…time passes hits on you again and doesn’t remember who are you? What are you supposed to do in a situation like that? Enter jackass.

Last February a few girlfriends and I went to the opening of a new bar in town. We were hanging out doing our thing when this dude comes up to me. He stops, looks at me and says;

Hi, how are you?
-I answer.
I’m Chad, what’s your name?
-I answer.
I have to tell you that you are the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.
-Thanks.
Are you from Calgary?
-I answer.
Oh no, where are you from?
-I answer.
Can I get you anything?
-No.
I own this place so let me know if you need anything. You are so gorgeous. kisses hand. You are my favourite.

-Thanks. rolls eyes.

Eventually I managed to shake this dude but not after having to duck from him 2 or 3 times.
Fast forward to 2 weeks ago. I’m at a volunteer event and I spot Chad. Fuck. I think to myself, okay hopefully he won’t recognize me. I have my glasses on, a hat on, and I’m wearing twice as much clothing as last year. Cool. I should be good. I’m doing my thing, working co-check when I turn around and almost bump into….Chad. He looks at me and says;

Hi, how are you?
-I answer.
I’m Chad, what’s your name?
-I answer.
I have to tell you that you are the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen.
-Thanks.
Are you from Calgary?
-I answer.
Oh no, where are you from?
-I answer.
What are you doing after the event?
-Going to bed.
You should come out for a drink with us.
-No thanks.
Okay well I’ll be around if you change your mind. You’re so beautiful, yea… you’re definitely my favourite.
-Thanks see ya.

Despite my best efforts to avoid Mr Suave I walked right into him and his group of friends. He thought it would be a good idea to introduce to his friends.

So and so, this is MJ.
-Nice to meet you so and so.
So Mj, I own this bar a few blocks from here.
-That’s nice.
We’re going to head over there after this to open a $2,000 bottle of bla bla bla. You should come.
-No thanks, I’m pretty tired.
Okay well have a good evening. kisses hand.
-I leave.

What the fuck man?! First of all, not only did this douche bag hit on me twice and completely forget who I was, he dropped the same bullshit lines both times. Like what…the…fuck….? A few of my girlfriends said that I should have called him on it and made him aware of the fact that he hit on me almost a year ago to date. They definitely have a point but at the time all I could think was, get rid of this guy. Don’t engage him, don’t ask him questions, and hopefully he’ll go away. Granted I should be flattered that someone thinks I’m pretty enough to be hit on twice but I’m not . In fact, I’m annoyed. It doesn’t help that I think this guy is a total chach monster. It’s hot as balls at this event , women are sweating their asses off in their tiny little dresses, meanwhile this guy is in a heavy leather jacket, with a blazer on underneath it with his hair slicked back looking all greasy and shit. Yeck. What are you supposed to do in situation like that? I admit I’ve hit on lots of guys more than once but I always remembered who they were. That’s why I keep hitting on them! I almost feel like’s its appropriate to be rude and to tell the other person to go fuck themselves. If nothing it would increase the chance of them remembering your face.

I asked around to see if I was the only person fortunate enough to have someone hit on them twice. Turns out I was, except in the case of online dating. A few of my girlfriends said they’ve had guys message them 2 or 3 times asking them the same shit not realizing that they had talked to them a week ago. That’s definitely happened to me before and in most cases I delete their message and pretend like it never happened. I figure there are thousands of people online so I can see how one might get confused. But in person? Come on. How stupid/dense/lame/new do you have to be?

I’ve decided that if I see Chad again I’m going to call him on his shit. I have knack for making people look stupid without raising my voice or using any curse words. Funny I mention seeing him again. The week following the launch of the new bar I saw him in the mall near my office. He walked right past me and had NO idea who I was. What a jackass.

Sneak peak for net week: Boys that cry. Emotionally in touch or Big wussy babies?

Online dating: Chapter 2 People to see things to do.

2009-02-17T19:51:00.005-07:00

My first online dating experience began on lavalife. I can't remember my exact feelings but I remembered being overwhelmed. People were sending me smiles, leaving me messages, instant messaging me the whole bit. Once I figured out how to navigate my way through it, it became really fun. I got to look at pretty boys and find out what they liked to do with themselves without having to meet them. Sweet. Plus if I wasn't in the mood to be social I could simply ignore their message and pretend like I had left my computer on. Wonderful. One of the few downsides to lavalife was that I couldn't restrict who talked to me and I had to pay to communicate with guys I was interested in. For those of you who don't know me, I like sales and bargains ( also known as being cheap :] ) so paying to talk to guys wasn't exactly up my alley. Onto to plenty of fish.

Most of you probably know about plenty of fish, or POF to us online daters. If I thought I was unprepared for lavalife then I was in for a big surprise on POF. First of all it's free. That means lots of crazies can open an account. Or better yet, total assholes who want to harass people. The upside was that communication was a lot easier to control. You could instant message someone, leave someone a message, check someone's profile and it wouldn't cost you thing. You also could control who contacted you and how they contacted for. For example, I hate instant messenger and immediately turned that feature off; I also restricted, smokers, people who did drugs, men under 24 and over 35, and people without pictures among other things. The crazies turned out to be too hard to handle and I left POF. I needed something a little more serious.

A friend suggested that I try E-harmony. She had done the full range of online dating and believed that this was the most credible. Well its was definitely the most work. Before you create a profile they make you fill out a 10-15 page questionnaire with like 30 questions per page. It was so long and tedious that it took me 3 days to complete it. The point of the questionnaire is to gain as much physiological information about you as possible in an effort to find your perfect match. Okay, but 15 pages? Is that necessary? Unfortunately I was filling out this god awful survey while e-harmony was running their TV campaign. Needless to say, I bought into the advertising. Those people just looked so damn happy! E-harmony turned out to be great. People were much more serious about the process and the system allowed you to divulge information about yourself in a controlled step by step process. The only problem was unless you bought the membership ( which was like $65 a month or gas for 3 weeks) you couldn't see what people looked like (again where's the bargain) and you couldn't start openly communicating with people until you had gone through this step by step process. Using the psychological information they had gathered about you the website would send you daily updates of guys that you might be interested in. It was all very lovely and what not but in the end it became much too much work for me and I never went back. I should probably close my account…

I took a break from online dating for about four months during my Miet. I was beginning to get really frustrated with the people I was and wasn’t meeting. I had gone on 8 dates in the span of a year. That was on top of the other randoms I was meeting on a day to day basis. Umm ... That’s a lot! Some were first dates, some were 3rd and 4th dates. Some of the guys were wicked cool and some of them were just wicked. In the end I was tired of feeling like my time was being wasted. When I was on my man diet I took some time to re-evaluate my online dating experiences. I chatted with a few of my online dating friends and tried to get some insight into what I was doing wrong. Turns out I was taking the process much too seriously. Granted you are trying to meet people but you can’t assume that everyone has good intentions. Call me naive ( which I have a tendency to be) but I expected people to be there for the same reasons I was. I realized that I needed to shift my expectations and have a bit more fun with it.

When the miet was over and I felt ready to date, I hopped back onto plenty of fish; but with a completely different outlook on what I was and wasn’t going to tolerate. That meant telling someone right from the get go whether or not I was interested in them. It also meant that I treated online dating more like an interview/screening process and less like a chance to flirt with randoms.( which I still did, who are we kidding I love men. Especially buff ones, without shirts.).
In the end my new way of approaching online dating turned out to be the best way.

For those of you thinking of checking out online dating here is some advice for you.

Go into this with no expectations. You can’t control what people do or say.
Have fun with it. Don’t make your profile so serious.
These people are strangers so take the time to get to know them.
Move at your own pace.
If someone has 3 or more spelling errors on their profile, block them ( that’s for you Bia)
Try a few different sites. See below.
In the words of my friend Adele “I would never fuck him so why should I talk to him?”

Good luck and happy dating!

POF
E-Harmony
Lavalife
Cupid.com
Match.com

Sneak peak for next week-You’re so beautiful and lovely. Have we met before? Yea actually we have.

Online dating: Chapter 1 Why we do it

2009-02-10T18:44:00.006-07:00

The next few blogs will be about the trials and tribulations of online dating.

The time has come. After months of talking about dating it is finally time to talk about the big one DUH DUH DUUUUUH. Online dating. Half of you are thinking, Haha yes, good on ya Mj. The other half are scandalized beyond belief. Well get off your high horse sunshine. It's more common than you think.

In the world of texts, pins, emails, blogs, twitters, facebook, msn, and myspace it's no surprise that online dating has become so popular. We are glued to the Internet. We google song lyrics, search the web for recipes and remedies, listen to music, shop for wedding dresses, order prescriptions. It makes sense that we would look to the worldwide web to find love.

The world of online dating was brought to my attention about a year and half ago. After meeting guys in bars, at work, in the mall ,wherever, I was having no luck. For some reason I kept meeting wack nuts. I thought what the hell, I've got nothing left to lose but my sanity, and that's only hanging on by a string. As I ventured into the world of online dating I came to realize how popular it was. I saw people I had gone to school with, ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends of friends, friends of friends. You name it. But for some reason I wasn't willing to talk about it. I almost felt embarrassed for having to go online to find love. I quickly got over that when I truly realized how IMPOSSIBLE it is to meet people in Calgary.

For those if you who don't live here, let me paint a picture of life in Calgary.
-Everyone works. Now it's not like back home ( the maritimes) where people work 8-4/9-5 and go home 15 minutes early. Oh no. People work 8-5 and eat their lunch at their desk.
-At 6:30pm on a Friday night, downtown Calgary is a ghost town. You could shoot a friggin canon down the street and not hit a soul.
-People live in the burbs. Therefore they hang out in the burbs.
-Everyone here is a couple. I know that's a generalization but I have spent many afternoons at coffee shops watching couple after couple waltz hand in hand down the street. When people aren't busy working, coupling, or commuting to the burbs they can be found, working out or shopping so they can look good when they meet that special someone or attempting to have a social life so they can justify working 60 hours a week. Needless to say it's hard to meet people.

The benefit of online dating is that it allows you to be proactive about your love life as opposed to reactive. Instead of waiting for one of your friends to set you up on a blind date (so fun...) or hoping that cutie at the gym will finally work up the balls to ask your name, you can go out and find people. It's also helpful for someone who's trying to get back into the dating scene and isn't interested in meeting people at bars. Everything is done at your pace, on your time, when you're ready.

I love watching people's reactions when I tell them that I went on a date with someone that I met online. They usually really surprised and are probably feeling bad about making fun of it with their buddy the night before. I had one person say "Oh Mj...!" Almost like she was scandalised/disappointed/sad. What's the big friggin deal! Yes you run the risk of meeting a total physco but you have the same potential of doing that when you meet someone at the super market. And I'm not being sarcastic. A friend of mine met a total fuckin crazy nut bar at the grocery store. So take that naysayers.

Off the top of my head I can name 10 plus normal, average, educated, non hunchback looking people who have tried online dating. I know people's parents who are trying it for pete's sake. I only wish us online dating freaks could talk about it in public without people mocking or ridiculing the system. It's scary to put yourself out there like that. People should cut us some friggin slack.

Anyway this blog was only an introduction into the world of online dating. I wanted to give people a week to digest the idea before I start sharing some awesome friggin stories.

Have a great week and Happy V Day

Note that I didn't say valentines day. Most single people hate valentines day so I prefer to use V day. This allows you to call the day whatever you'd like. Here are my suggestions:

Vagina
Viagra
Voluptuous
Victorian
Vasectomy
Vespa

Awkward....

2009-02-03T21:07:00.004-07:00

But first, a quick update. Remember the guy that I came clean to? I wrote about him in the “The truth will set you free” Remember how he never got back to me? Well last Saturday he wrote me a message. Turns out he had stumbled upon my blog. To make a long story short he apologized for leaving me hanging and felt really bad about the whole thing. I’m quite happy that he said something because I had completely dismissed him as being an asshole. We agreed to stay friends which works perfectly for me. And done.

Lena-Haha this girl kills me. Is on her miet but still has something on the side...mmm hmm
Shannon-She and mr man have been chatting lots. Everytime I ask her about him she beams from ear to ear. It's quite cute.

One of my friends recently discovered that I had a blog when another friends MOM commented on how funny it was. Luckily this mom is cool as hell so I'm not going to trip about it. In fact I'm going to give her a shout out. Hey Wf!

Onto to being awkward.

There comes a time in every relationship when you have to have “the chat”. You know the one where you ask, ‘What are we…’ ‘Where are things going.. ’ ‘Are we a couple now…’ Barf. How awkward eh? You aren't sure if it's too early to have the conversation or if it's been implied and you don't need to have the conversation. And what if you don't get the answer that you want or anticipated. Is it easier not to have the conversation and coast along hoping that everything will magically work itself out?

It was recently brought to my attention that I should have "the chat" with Leo. People (mostly my gf’s) kept asking, 'So, are you a couple now?' To which I would answer, I don’t know, we haven‘t really talked about it. Truth be told, I hadn’t given it much thought. The thought would come up whenever someone asked me how long we’d been hanging out but that was about it. You're probably surprised to read this considering I'm a 25 year old female with raging hormones. Well there's a perfectly good reason for it. I've always been single. It's kind of like a hobby for me. I'm that chick who gives wicked advice to all of her friends, goes on lots of dates with so so average guys, listens to her friends cry about some ridiculous bullshit he/she pulled but never has any stories of her own to share. The thought of having the "what are we now" talk doesn't cross my mind because I don't have to do it very often (with people I like anyway...haha) and therefore it is not a priority. Unfortunately, after 10 or so people ask you what you and your current flame "are" it starts to become one. So I finally agreed to have "the chat" with Leo. Cool. Ya, this is going to be great. Then I realized I had no idea what to say. So I did what any rash female would do. I sought advice from the same people who had put the crazy thought in my head. The advice went as follows: "Well you don't want it to be awkward so try to be cool about it" "You can't talk to him before you hang out because what if he says he doesn't like you then you have to spend the evening with him" The big kicker was from a friend who asked me a whole bunch of questions. "Well it depends, what do you want you to be? Are you just friends who like hanging out. Or are you more than friends but not quite serious. Or are you dating but trying to get serious. You have to decide what you want to be first"

WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA......Easy!

I just want to make sure he's not making out with anyone else! I'm not good at sharing things that I like and I like Leo.

I decided to take everyone's advice. I waited until the end of the evening to talk to him (no sense in ruining a perfectly good Friday night) when we were lying around chatting (keeping things chill) after I decided that I didn't care what he called me (what I want). The conversation went something like this:

M-So...My friends want to know if we're a couple ( that's right, I put allllll of the blame on you)
L-I thought this would come up soon
M-Honestly, I'm not big on labels. I just want to know that you aren't making out with other people.
L-Oh I'm definitely not. Are you?
M-Oh, hell no.
L-Cool
M-Cool
L-You can call my your boyfriend if you want. I just don't want things to get comfortable
M-Thanks. And I agree. (I think we high-fived after this)

I think it's extremely sweet that Leo is letting me refer to him as my bf even though I have no intention whatsoever of calling him that :] Again not trying to be a bitch but that's not why I had the conversation. I don't need Leo to call me his girlfriend to know that he likes me nor do I need to have the chat about where we are to know that we are togetherish. The beauty of the situation is I think Leo feels the same way too. We like each other, we spend time together. Life is good. And done. Those last few sentences reminded me of one of my favourite songs to dance to at a pub. Rankin Family, You feel the same way too.

"There's no need in asking cuz you know (hoa) you feel the same way too!" Good song.

So maybe instead of rushing or forcing the conversation thus making it awkward why not be patient with it and let things happen a bit more naturally. Everyone's always in such a rush to figure things out or get things done. Maybe we need to sit back a little, take a deep breath and let life take it's course. And that is your hippie quote of the week :]

Tata.

Penis Envy

2009-01-21T20:54:00.000-07:00

Hello! Today's post is about hormones. Hormones you say, why would you write about hormones? Well because they are either really awesome or really evil.

I recently turned 25. Quite the milestone. People kept asking me if I felt older and I told them I didn't feel that different, but then i took a moment to think about it. I don't feel older per-say but I definitely feel like my body is uh coming into it's own. Over the past year I've noticed that I'm much hornier than I used to be. I'm talking 2 straight weeks out of the month are spent thinking about sex. I wake up thinking about sex, I go to bed thinking about sex, I vacuum my house thinking about sex. I like to refer to it as being in heat. At first I thought it was kind of funny but it eventually became distracting. I think the severity of the situation was brought to light when I woke up in the middle of the night, thinking about sex. Who knows, maybe I'm not having enough of it. Either way I think it's a lil nutso. But, at least it's something positive and something that I can easily take care of. I could be like some of my friends and could be battling with my "aching" uterus. That's right, aching. A couple years ago my girlfriend Anna told me she was on the hunt for a husband because her clock was ticking and her uterus was starting to send her signals. We were 23 at the time. Needless to say I thought it was absolutely HORRIFYING that her uterus was sending her signals in addition to it being absolutely ridiculous. I honestly thought she was losing her mind. I had never heard of some one's uterus aching. Like what kind of shit is that? It's bad enough that my uterus tries to escape from my body once a month, now it's sending me distress signals? Fuck you. Now that I'm a little older that comment doesn't seem so ridiculous. One of my girlfriends who is a few years older than me sent me a picture of a this hottie lying on the couch with his niece tucked ever so sweetly in his arms. The caption read "Men holding babies is like porn for women 25-30. I DIED. Haha how funny is that? Scary thing is it's true. I responded by asking how her uterus was doing. She told me it was aching... *shakes head* Luckily this hasn't happened to me yet. But when it does I am so friggin screwed. I love kids. I love babies. I will stop mid conversation to stare at cute children. There's a picture of a baby in a bunny suit hanging from the ceiling in blacks and I've been tempted to ask if I can have it. You get my drift. I'm actually nervous about the moment when I realize that my uterus is starting to ache. Luckily all of you will know exactly when it happens. You'll turn on the TV and see me on thee 6 o'clock news with a car full of babies that I've kidnapped. Okay that sounds creepy. But seriously. What kind of shit is that? I go from being in heat 26 weeks out of the year to having the urge to have babies...Call me crazy but I don't think that's fair. Yes I understand the biology behind it but that doesn't mean I agree with it.

Then there's men. They spend the early part of their lives battling with their penis, trying to get it to behave in public , trying to keep it from wetting the bed. While all of this is taking place what are their hormones telling them? Have sex. When they turn 25, have sex. When they turn 30, have sex but you might want to nest soon but frig keep having sex. Granted this urge to have sex all the time starts to decline with age but I highly doubt their balls ache when they see a baby.

My point in all of this? Well, I don't really have a point except that women's hormones are crazy. Sometimes I think we kinda got screwed on the biology handout but then a male friend of mine reminded me of this special little device called the clitoris; and how it's completely devoted to pleasure and nothing but pleasure. And how we have them and they don't. Maybe we did get the shitty end of the stick when it comes to our emotions being up and down like a yoyo but, at least we can play with ourselves to feel better about it. Haha, I'm bad...

Tata

The truth will set you free...

2009-01-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

But not before it punches you in the gut. This week's blog is about the truth or coming clean with your feelings but first, a quick update.

Karter: Remember him, big smile, nice guy, messy hair. Well I haven't heard from him since our first encounter ( December 4th) until he messaged me over Christmas and asked if I wanted to hang out. Sure...right... fuck.
Brett: Also went a bit MIA but has started contacting me again, via text of course.
Keith:Didn't makeout with the lukewarm feelings chick. Good on ya buddy.

And now for the truth. I don't know if it's the lack of natural oxygen to our brains because we've been cooped up for the past 2 weeks or if the New Year is inspiring people to be brave. Whatever it is, everyone seems to be coming clean.

Example #1. I have a friend who I think is super hot. We have a tendency to make out with each other whenever we're out together. It started about a year and half ago and ended last Friday. We were sitting in my car chatting when we started making out ( please note I did not initiate the makeout) I turned to him and said, 'Look, this is ridiculous. We can't just keep making out with each other like this. It's silly! I have the hots for you and have for the past year and a half. I like you, I like chatting with you, we get along so what is the problem?' He nodded in agreement. 'I've been meaning to say something to you for months but wasn't sure what was going on with you. We either need to shit or get off the pot ( phrase of the weekend) but this can't go on anymore. The ball is in your court. Think about what I said and let me know.' After a few more agonizing moments he got out of my car but not before we each debated going home with the other. I finally told him to shut my door and leave. And leave he did. That was Friday. Haven't heard boo outta him since. I spent most of my weekend feeling like crap. Part of me was embarrassed, part of me was bummed but most of all I felt really vulnerable. I had completely exposed myself and it wasn't a feeling I was used to.

Example #2 Lena. She and this boy have been dating for a bit. Originally she wanted to keep it "casual" because she wasn't ready to commit to anything. True to female form she totally fell for this guy. Then she found out he was moving 6 hours away. Eeek. Because of the agreement to keep things "casual" mr man a tendency to sort of forget about Lena or get himself so worked up with things to do that he wouldn't have time to spend with her. Needless to say it was driving her CRAZY. That's right bold and italics. Dude, I said to her, just tell him how you feel. He probably doesn't realize that he's being a jackass because things are supposed to be casual. Two nights ago she came clean. Their conversation ended somewhat abruptly and they didn't get the chance to completely resolve anything.

Example #3 Shannon. She and this boy have been on again off again for 5 motherfucking years. Talk about torture. She's really good friends with his friends it's obvious that they like each other but they can never seem to get things right. He has a tendency to tell her that they're going to hang out but wait a month to call. As luck would have it they ended up spending NYE together. Despite my advice not to makeout with him she did. And it drove her CRAZY. She decided that it was time to come clean. She was terrified. We had a pep talk the day of the big conversation to prepare her. She asked him out for dinner and told him exactly how she felt. That they needed to shit or get off the pot ( she didn't actually say that, but that's what she was thinking). He agreed to make an effort to see if things could work out between them. She's not convinced that he's going to come through since he always seems to do this.

The moral of those three stories? Telling the truth blows. Haha no no. The funny thing about telling the truth is that it can sometimes be a double edged sword. You want to be honest with people because it's the right thing to do but, their reaction to your honesty might not always be what you hope for. In a perfect world the other person would be so happy that you had the balls to be honest with them that they'd react in a positive way. Truth is people don't like hearing the truth. And that makes telling it all the more challenging. Often times you don't want to make the receiver uncomfortable so instead you say nothing because it's easier. Or if you're Me Lena and Shannon you don't want to expose yourself. What we need to remember is that no one is going to think less of you for being honest. Even if the receiver is pissed off , confused or upset right now, they'll probably realize that you're right and respect you for being honest. The only thing you can do is try to approach the situation from the most loving, supportive and genuine place in your body. That way you're words won't be misconstrued as being malicious. If after all of that the receiver can't see what you're saying for what it is or isn't man enough to give you an answer then fuck them. You've done your bit. The rest is in their hands. Maybe they can't handle the truth. I feel like it's only fitting to add this:

'You want answers?'

'I think I'm entitled to them'

'You want answers!?'

'I want the truth!'

'YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!'

Booyah. Happy New Year Everyone.

Oh and as for Leo, we're still making out ;]

K I S S I N G

2008-12-30T15:55:00.000-07:00

Aww yes... the beloved first kiss. Such an exciting, stressful and potentially traumatizing moment. Kissing happens to be one of my favourite past times. I could kiss for hours. It's such a wonderful harmless way to have fun. But sometimes the pressure leading up to a first kiss can be too hard to handle as the Black Crows say. My friend Keith and I were chatting about first kisses. He's been hanging out with this chick who he's half interested in. He was planning to go to a house party with her where they're be tons of drinking and tons opportunities to make out and he was totally stressing about it. He wasn't sure if he should kiss her because he had lukewarm feelings for her but felt that he should because there was all of this sexual tension. We both agreed that it shouldn't be this stressful and that it should happen naturally.

That evening I had my first kiss with one of my love interests. We were sitting on the couch chatting about movies when we got on the topic of kissing. I told him about my friend Keith and how he was stressing about kissing this chick and how the whole thing was so silly because it should just happen. Boy toy looks at me and says, I'm curious about whether or not you're a good kisser to which I replied, I'm a 9 out of 10 ( for real, I'm an awesome kisser). He said something witty, I giggled and we decided that we should probably kiss each other. Done. First kiss accomplished. No stress. Luckily for me (and him) he's a great kisser. ( We proceeded to kiss and JUST kiss for the next 2 hours)

Kissing is a deal breaker for me. I probably won't date you, do you, hump you, screw you( haha that rhymed ) if you're a bad kisser. I once made out with this guy who I totally have the hots for. He's super super hot. BUT he kisses like a lizard or like a 17yr old who's never touched a woman before. It was really sad. I told my friend Kata about it and she said I should teach him how to kiss. Um no. I'm not your mom, your best friend or your first girlfriend. If you can't kiss at the age of 25+ you're screwed. So maybe that's why the first kiss is so friggin stressful. You've been hanging out with this person, flirting with them, you like them and now you're hoping to all hell that they can kiss because if they can't you'll be really disappointed and really turned off. I've thought about giving bad kisser boy another shot but can't bring myself to do it.

I know I'm a bit of a kissing snob, so what would you regular folk do? Would you keep making out with someone who was a terrible kisser in hopes of teaching them how to properly use their tongue or would you run for the hills and hope they never launch another attack on your mouth?

Keith is going to that party tonight. Here's hoping his makeout goes as well as mine did :]

DOUBLE POST THIS WEEK

2008-12-16T22:39:00.000-07:00

"Text msging, friend or foe" & "'ll call you. No you won't."

Enjoy!

I'll call you. No you won't so I'll call you.

2008-12-16T22:02:00.001-07:00

That was the dialogue between Leo and I. Welcome first date number 3. Leo's is 24, from Red Deer, reminds me of a guy from Southshore NS. Completely opposite to Brett. Leo loves the phone. Before we made a plan to hang out, we had two 30-40 minute conversations. He basically calls me every two days just to shoot the shit and see what's up. At the end of our first conversation I said, well I'll call you in a few. He said, no you won't so I'll call you. And it's true. It's not like I didn't want to call him I just knew that I wouldn't. I'd either forget... or forget. Haha. I have a small list of people that I talk to on the phone and the majority of them don't live in this province. Anyway so we finally went on our first date last Thursday. We had dinner and shot the shit for about two hours. We talked about animals, small town Alberta, small town Nova Scotia, shopping, our lack of ability to see when driving at night, my hat and how cute it was and tantric sex. That's right. Leo breaks into this 15 minute spele about how he's been studying tantric sex and learning more about people's energy and how you can channel all of it into sex . The he really gives 'er and starts talking about massaging someone and using all of you concentration to picture your hands as glowing embers and focusing on the energy between her skin and your hands and how were all made of energy and therefore are like gods and women are goddess and should be treated like them and worshipped. I wrote that in a run on sentence to try to give you an idea of how passionate he was about the whole thing. Then there's me, the perve; eyebrow raised, mouth open, half laughing half holy shitting. Seriously. I've had 3 conversations with this guy and he's never mentioned ANYTHING about energies or tantric sex. And he so casual about it. He says to me, I feel like I can say this stuff to you because you're chill and you have good energy. That I do!

The next night I headed out to the Rose and Crown for some birthday dancing and who walks in? Leo! Not all planned. I made a point of not telling him where I was going. I had a guy I was dating bust into my bday celebrations last year, needless to say it put a damper on my night. Leo and I had a quick chat before I politely excused myself to continue busting a move with my girls. On Sunday, Leo called me. We shot the shit and agreed we'd hang out next week. (I'll be busy deciphering Brett's text's msgs). As I hung up the phone I thought to myself, I like Leo. He's cool. But I'm beginning to feel a bit smothered by him. Wait that's the wrong word. I'm beginning to feel like it's a bit too easy. There's no waiting or wondering what's going to happen next. There's no suspense or anticipation! Isn't that half the fun/dread of dating? He calls me every two days, we talk it's cool. Whatever. Don't get me wrong, I like the phone calls it's a great way to get to know him but, is every two days too much? On top of that I'm beginning to forget who I said what to! Kudo's to those women who date 3 plus men at a date. Isn't it like male dating etiquette to call the chick...never! I know I'm totally jinxing myself but it's how I feel. Anyway, I told Leo I'd call him sometime this week to say hi, that sometime is Sunday. Part of me feels bad for waiting that long but truthfully, I've got shit to do! To top it all off, Leo doesn't have a cell phone. It'd be totally cool if I could send him a text on Thursday to say 'Hi' then call him on Sunday. Hello, pot? Kettle, nice to meet you.

Text msging friend or foe?

2008-12-16T21:24:00.001-07:00

First date number 2. Last Monday I had a first drink with Brett. We totally hit it off and proceeded to have a 3 hour conversation about everything. Boys, girls, dating, traveling, the weather, our friends everything. I totally dig Brett. He's 33 ( aw yea), about 5'8, and in great shape. He actually reminds me of myself but more energetic and male. I know, someone more energetic than me? How could it be. Anyway we had a wicked convo, gave each other a hug and agreed that we'd hang out again. That was on Monday. On Tuesday Brett texted me, on Wednesday I texted him, on Thursday Brett texted me, on Friday I texted Brett, on Saturday Brett texted me, on Sunday Brett texted me, on Monday I texted Brett, on Tuesday I texted Brett, on Wenesday Brett and I are going on our 2nd date. Um...i'm not even sure what to say! How ridiculous is that shit? Okay, I know I can't really complain because I'm kind of fueling the fire but what do you do in situation like this? Obvisouly he's comfortable with texting becuase we have full out conversations via text msg but doesn't he want to talk...on the phone!? It's not like we have nothing to say to each other. We had a 3 hour conversation on our first date for frigs sake. WTF!

I did a bit of soul searching and asked myself, why would I text a boy? I would text a boy that I A. Wanted to keep in touch with but didn't really like B. Had a crush on but was too chicken shit to call. I'm hoping Brett is the latter. So I have a dilemma, the better part of me is thinking this has to stop, but the nice (rolls eyes) person in me doesn't want to make him uncomfortable. Meanwhile, it's driving me crazy! I had to solict my friend Lena to help me ask him what he was doing all week/ask him out because I didn't know how to write it. COME ON! On the flipside, we have been in constant communication since we went out last week... So I get to chat with this really cool guy every other day but I drive myself crazy in the process. To make matters worse, I just got a blackberry, and I definitely haven't mastered it. I'll think i've sent a msg and it's well on it's way, meanwhile my 'smart' phone is waiting for me to spell check. Or he'll write back to me and my phone won't make a sound because it's not in it's case and I look like a jackass when I respond 30 minutes later. Boooo. I miss the old days when you HAD to call someone to talk to them. When, texting, emailing, facebooking, instant messaging, icqing wasn't an option. So ladies, (and gents) is texting a friend or a foe? Is it a good way for someone to talk to you without actualy talking to you because they're too shy or is it a way for a someone to talk to you when they're really trying to avoid you? I welcome comments and opinions. I'm going to let Brett know about this week's topic and see if he's in column A or B. Stay tuned...

You have a friend request

2008-12-10T22:03:00.000-07:00

The next few blogs are going to be about first dates and things pertaining to them. So I went on a first date last week with this guy named Carter. He's from Fredericton, works as a designer for this hip agency, and has good taste in music. He's tall, has a nice smile and is kinda cute. We agreed to meet for coffee at Starbucks. When I walked in he had his face buried in his blackberry. I said a casual "Hey..." and he quickly snapped his head up. Not only was I greeted by a bright smile and a huge "HEY!" I was greeted with a mop of hair. At first it didn't faze me. But as the evening went on and my contacts started to dry out it kinda started to bother me. I'm not shallow by any means but I make an effort to look presentable and I believe the guy I'm meeting, dating whatever should do the same. ESPECIALLY on a first date. At the end of the evening we agreed that we'd be buds but I think we both knew we weren't really each other's type. Fast forward 2 days. I get a msg from the boys at Facebook. "Carter Nanton would like to be your friend" My first thought was, oooooh no I don't think so.

I strongly believe that you should not add someone to facebook if you are dating. And here's why. It provides them with easy access to your life . Your friends, your family, your daily activities EVERYTHING. Y'all know how much info you put on your facebook. 'So and so is cranky' 'So and so can't wait for the weekend' 'So and so is not feeling so well' mmm hmm. Do you really want some guy you've known for 7 days knowing how you feel everyday and looking at those pictures from your 21st birthday when you were hammered? I don't think so. In addition to being an invasion of your privacy it's also a lazy way to get to know someone. They can learn tons about you without actually having to ask any questions. Lame. I've done it in the past and it has totally backfired. It doesn't allow your to control the progression of the relationship. They learning all these things about you and may or may not be asking you about it. No thanks!

After 4 days of stalling, I accepted Carter's request. My thinking was, I'll probably never date this guy so what the hell, I'll be nice. Famous last words. Let it be known that while writing this blog I logged onto my facebook and deleted Carter as a friend. If i'm never going to date this guy then there's no need for him to be creeping me on facebook. Plus I can't be a hypocrite! I'm way too nice for that.

I'm just not that into you, but i'll still go out with you

2008-12-02T06:55:00.000-07:00

Sound familiar? How many times have you dated a guy who you knew you weren’t interested in? He was sweet, kind, funny, smart, and soooo not your type. I do it all the time!

Take John. Nice guy, into music, total gentlemen, super chill and had a good sense of humour. Great on paper. After our 2nd or 3rd date my friend Audra asked me how things were going. I told her everything was fantastic! We had a lot of fun hanging out with each other and he was really cool. She asked if I had kissed him yet to which I responded with a big ‘Oh helllll no. That's not happening’. Confused, she asked why I was still dating him if I had no interest in him. I told her that he was nice, we had fun and it was a good way to occupy my time. Of course, she called me on it. She told me I was being unfair, was totally wasting this guy’s time and reminded me that if the roles were reversed I’d be pissed. She was right. Its one thing to be unsure or totally unaware but to knowingly waste someone’s time is WHOLE different ball game. I hate it when people waste my time. So why was I doing it to John? Why did I think it was cool to go on date after date with him when I had no intention of getting serious with him? Honestly, I’m not really sure. I think boredom had a lot to do with it plus like I said, he was great on paper. Looking back, I kinda feel bad but I wasn’t trying to be a bitch and really, I’m not the only one...

One of my friends recently went on a date with a guy who was also great on paper. The only problem was that she wasn't even remotely attracted to him and in her words, 'would never have sex with him' BUT she still went on a date with him. Why? Because she wanted to be nice.

Another friend is dating a smoker. As a recent quitter this is a definite no no for her. When I asked her why she was still keeping him around she summed it up to, 'He’s okay for now and really I've got nothing else to do’

So, tell me. Why do we date guys who we aren't attracted to, aren't interested in, and really couldn't give two shits about? Based on my stories, it's a combination of boredom and pity. I think another factor is that we want to be nice. Well at least I do. I feel like I should give that polite guy who took the time to ask me my name a chance.

All in all this whole scenario really makes me giggle. If the tables were turned and we were the pity case, we’d be pissed that these assholes were doing this to us! So maybe we should start a revolution. Make an agreement to ourselves, the new political party that our government has created and to the world that we won’t even talk to guys we aren’t interested. Unless of course we have nothing better to do.

Miet=Man Diet

2008-11-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

I recently ended a 2 month Man Diet. When I told my friends that my Miet was over most of them looked at me with an upturned eyebrow. 'Meit?' they said. 'What is a miet?' It's a Man Diet I replied! 'Ohh...What is a Man Diet?!' I'll explain...

A man diet is exactly what it sounds like. I take a break from men. No fraternizing, no talking and DEFINITELY no touching. Now, I don't mean all men, just any man that you would ever consider making out with, dating or sleeping with. Once my friends understood what I was talking about they were very intrigued. The most common thing I heard was, that makes sense, but, why? Well, you know what the summer's like. You're hanging out on random patios, going to a party here and there and most of all meetings lots of boys. Some of these boys you might give a quick kiss goodnight after an evening of flirting and some you might...you know. For me it was going on date after date after date...Boring. I was uninterested and done with the summer fling. I was also frustrated that none of these dates had lead to anything more serious. So I said, forget this. It's time for a man diet.

I proceeded to spend September and October with, myself. I went for walks in the park, down 17th avenue, around my neighbourhood, whatever! I read a couple of great books, spent some quality time with a bosu ball, drank more red wine, played w my cat ( not that one you dirtybird) and devoted all my time and energy to me. It was wonderful. I told myself that the miet would last minimum 1 month or until I felt like I was ready to have carbs again (For the record my longest miet was 6 months).

Sometimes I think that us gals need to step back and get our priorities straight. Yes, we all want to meet that guy, fall in love, get married, blah blah blah but at what cost to our sanity? Too often we settle for something that we should probably be ignoring. I'm 110% guilty as charged. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE men, they're wonderful but they make us crazy. We do and say ridiculous things, talk ourselves into a frenzy of stress and confusion for nothing. I think the miet allows you to regroup, and focus on what's important to you. Once you have that focus firm in your mind, grab that piece of pumpkin pie, cover it in a thick layer of whip cream and shove it in your mouth!

Until then, just smile and say 'No thanks, I'm on a diet'